Going Without Knowing

The season of spinning wheels continues and the longer it continues, the harder it is.

Then, suddenly God bursts through my bubble of busyness.

In the blink of an eye, he stops me in my tracks in awe.

Today, as I continue counting his blessings with the Gratitude Community, I am especially grateful for three of these moments all happening last week. (#315 – #317)

• After a conversation with my brother where I bared my heart saying I didn’t feel like I could see God’s purpose for my life right now, the woman in the car in front of me at the Starbucks drive through paid for my coffee. I didn’t know her. She just did something nice for a stranger. To add to the wonder of it, I had ordered my once a year favorite drink totally loaded with calories and whipped cream and chocolate shavings. Normally, I go non-fat, skinny flavoring. Once a year, I splurge. This was that time and a stranger paid for my drink. Reflecting on the timing, I felt like God used her to tell me that it was okay. That he was here. That he loves me and provides for me. A wonder-filled moment.
• The next day, I was driving out of the parking lot at work and saw a beautiful sight. Golden leaves were raining down in a gorgeous and relaxing flow in the middle of a drizzly afternoon. Andrea Bocelli was singing The Lord’s Prayer through the car radio. God brought me to a complete stop at the beauty of it all – the leaves, the drizzle, the music, his love.
• Three days later, God took my breath away again when I was driving. This time, he used with one of the most magnificent sunsets I can remember seeing in ages. I had to stop twice on the way home just to wonder at the pinks and purples he was using to paint the sky.  I called Mom to go out and see and pointed God’s masterpiece out to neighbors who had not noticed. Once again, he stopped me right in the middle of my busy, getting things done tracks to remind me of his beauty and love.

I am so grateful that no matter how busy and focused on doing I get, God will remind me of his love and grace and beauty. For his glory.

Thank you, God, for bursting through our bubbles of busyness and reminding us of your presence, promises, provision, protection, and love. Please open our eyes and slow us down so we do not miss you and all the opportunities we have to worship you in reverence and awe. (Hebrews 12:28, NIV)

Today is a special day!  Today is my niece’s birthday. I’m planning to give thanks to God for her all day long for allowing me to know her and for the blessing of being her aunt.

I remember the first time I held her. How could such a huge blessing come in such a tiny package? I remember wondering what she would be like when she got older. What things would make her giggle? What would she love? What would our relationship be like? I loved her from the moment I laid eyes on her and only love her more today.

I love her smile.

I love her imagination.

I love the way she cares for her baby dolls and the way she looks whenever she sees a real baby.

I love the way she watches after her grandmommy.

I love listening to her play the piano.

I love to hear her giggle.

I love watching her grow up.

I love who she is.

She makes me smile.

She brings me joy.

My gratitude cup overflows.

Thank you, God, for the gift of being her aunt.  Amen.

The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.

He makes me lie down in green pastures.

He leads me beside still waters.

He restores my soul.

He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,

I will fear no evil, for you are with me;

your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;

you anoint my head with oil;

my cup overflows.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life,

and I shall dwell in the house of the LORD forever.

Psalm 23 (ESV)

“Blessed be the name of God forever and ever,

to whom belong wisdom and might,

He changes times and seasons…”

Daniel 2:20-21a

My heart overflows with gratitude to God for the changing of the seasons. Autumn is my favorite time of year. When I gaze upon his creation in the fall, it seems as if God has painted his plants and trees anew with brilliance. My eyes are opened to creation again in a special way as they are each spring. The coolness and crispness of the air rejuvenate me. Wonderful childhood memories warm my heart and I feel so alive!  Thank you, God, for autumn! Thank you for all your seasons both, literal and figurative, in your physical creation and in our lives.

Below are some pictures I’d like to share with you from my trip last week to New England. I am determined to grasp every opportunity to enjoy autumn to its fullest!

How are you enjoying the beauty and majesty of God’s creation this autumn? Have the leaves begun to change where you are? What’s your favorite thing about autumn?

Father God, thank you for these blessings and so much more:

#299  Crisp, cool air in my lungs
#300  Beautiful red and gold leaves
#301  Clear skies
#302  Traveling mercies while on vacation
#303  The opportunity to take a vacation I’ve waited six years to take
#304  Childhood memories of New England vacations with my family
#305  A roommate who kept me from looking at work email until Monday morning after vacation
#306  Time and conversation with Mom on Saturday
#307  Daddy, especially on the occasion of what would have been his 85th birthday
#308  Hope in Christ that I will see my much missed, much loved Daddy again in heaven
#309  Silly bands given by my niece and nephew
#310  Improved health for a little boy in a tragic accident
#311  Time with a dear friend who never fails to lift me to a new place spiritually whenever I am with her
#312  Time to see friends while on vacation
#313  Time at home to putter around the house and catch up on all that’s been neglected during this season of spinning wheels and very frequent traveling
#314  A new week ahead full of potential and hope

Today would have been my Dad’s 85th birthday.

I wrote about Daddy here, but the thing I’m thinking about today is how he loved the fall. I think I must have inherited my love of this season from him.

Daddy’s mother was from Connecticut and met his father there during the war. They moved far away together after they married, back to the home his dad. My grandfather died before my parents married, but when we were growing up my grandmother came to visit us in the fall. We went to New England and drove for miles enjoying the beautiful trees and quaint towns. Every year I long to go to New England as soon as my lungs take in the first crisp air of fall.

I have just returned from four days in New England. I missed Daddy so much as I drove around admiring my heavenly Father’s creation and remembering the trips of my childhood.

To honor my dad today, I’d like to share the poem below. When he was battling the brain cancer that would eventually take him from us and into the waiting arms of our Father, he told us of a poem he loved that reminded him of fall. He shared the parts he remembered and I made it a mission to find the poem with the help of several local librarians who went way out of their way to help me.  Now I always think of this poem every fall.

And I remember leaning over his hospital bed hearing him tell me that my eyes were blue like the bright blue skies of October.

I miss you, Daddy and will always love you.

See you in heaven one day.

October’s Bright Blue Weather

O sun and skies and clouds of June
And flowers of June together,
Ye cannot rival for one hour
October’s bright blue weather;

When loud the bumblebee makes haste,
Belated, thriftless vagrant,
And goldenrod is dying fast,
And lanes with grapes are fragrant;

When gentians roll their fringes tight,
To save them for the morning,
And chestnuts fall from satin burs
Without a sound of warning;

When on the ground red apples lie
In piles like jewels shining,
And redder still on old stone walls
Are leaves of woodbine twining;

When all the lovely wayside things
Their white-winged seeds are sowing,
And in the fields, still green and fair,
Late aftermaths are growing;

When springs run low, and on the brooks
In idle, golden freighting,
Bright leaves sink noiseless in the hush
Of woods, for winter waiting;

When comrades seek sweet country haunt
By twos and twos together,
And count like misers hour by hour
October’s bright blue weather.

O sun and skies and flowers of June,
Count all your boasts together,
Love loveth best of all the year
October’s bright blue weather.

Helen Hunt Jackson
(1830 – 1885)

I am on vacation!

And I am not going to work.

I know this sounds like the definition of vacation to most people.

I am not most people. I come from a family of worker bees. We work nearly all the time and when we aren’t working, we are often thinking of what we should be doing. Our family mantra for vacations is, “Get a lot done!” So, for me, vacation has mostly been a time to catch up on all the to-do’s I haven’t been able to get to because I’ve been working like a mad woman, living a life of spinning wheels.

But I am tired of that. Actually, I’m just plain tired. The life of spinning wheels doesn’t leave much time for joy and restoration.  It doesn’t leave enough time for family, friends, writing, photography, traveling. For God. For all the things I love. Lately, life has become a matter of surviving, not living.

It’s not the spinning wheels. It’s me.  I am incredibly blessed with a good job I like and a nice house in a city I love.  All the things that seem like they are pulling at me and causing me to go into survival mode are not the problem.  The problem is that I’ve lost me. I am letting the spinning wheels drive right over and through me.

So, from today all through next week, I’m on vacation. I’m going to play. My first non-working vacation in over 5 years. I’m to take a short trip somewhere I’ve been wanting to go for years. I’m going to spend time with friends. I’m going to write and take pictures. I’m going to sleep and I’m going to breathe deeply.

Most of all, I’m going to spend time with God. I’m going to fully open my life to him again. I’m going to listen for his voice. I’m going to receive what he has to give me. I’m going to relax into his presence, provision, and promises. I know that when I do this, I will find me again, for “in him I live and move and have my being.” (Acts 17:28)

I am going to open myself to joy and happiness and peace.

I am going to live.

__________________

How about you? How are you doing these days? How can I pray for you?

How do you like to spend your vacations?

Doesn’t it seem like sometimes God allows something long forgotten to surface just when you need it? Just when it dovetails with something else he’s brought into your heart?

I found this poem tucked away in a stack of papers today. Oh, how it speaks to my heart as I continue to process all that I heard during the Story conference last week. I am challenged to dream big because I serve a big God!

Disturb us, Lord, when
We are too well pleased with ourselves,
When our dreams have come true
Because we have dreamed too little,
When we arrived safely
Because we sailed too close to the shore.

Disturb us, Lord, when
With the abundance of things we possess
We have lost our thirst
For the waters of life;
Having fallen in love with life,
We have ceased to dream of eternity
And in our efforts to build a new earth,
We have allowed our vision
Of the new Heaven to dim.

Disturb us, Lord, to dare more boldly,
To venture on wider seas
Where storms will show your mastery;
Where losing sight of land,
We shall find the stars.

We ask you to push back
The horizons of our hopes;
And to push us into the future
In strength, courage, hope, and love

Attributed – Sir Francis Drake, 1577